Polyvore - jackiesmightyheart

Your vibe is pretty

jackiesmightyheart — Thu, 23 May 2013 01:40:20 GMT

Your vibe is pretty by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

Sooooo There is this guy I quite fancied from last term. And at the beginning of this term we hooked up. And i was all fine with it. We talked once then again. He text me. But he is really into hip hop in stuff so he talks in that way ,which I don't mind because half the time i talk in that way and most of my friends enjoy hip hop but anyhow. I kind forgot about him. But recently i had a wet dream about him and now I am listening to his radio show (which he told me to listen to like 4 times already) and ehm...HIS MUSIC TASTE IS SO PERF. I knew this but then i forgot. omg and he was so cute on the show. But i can't like him. i just can't because he doesn't give a shit about me and i know it but he is just cute and his music taste is perfection and bro he reads poetry. I love me some poetry. URGHHHH URGGGHHHH I can't like him. I just can't.

you be spending everything be all like this is alexander wang

jackiesmightyheart — Wed, 22 May 2013 22:16:45 GMT

you be spending everything be all like this is alexander wang by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

Kinsella,don't start trouble

jackiesmightyheart — Mon, 20 May 2013 17:07:31 GMT

Kinsella,don't start trouble by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

name: Samantha Kinsella age: 17 birthday: July 3rd known as: The Has Massive Teenage Angst – Rebel – Comedian Set: http://www.polyvore.com/she_aint_mine_shes_everybody/set?id=82131758

Nah nah it's cool you know just go ahead and do that.

jackiesmightyheart — Mon, 20 May 2013 16:37:25 GMT

Nah nah it's cool you know just go ahead and do that. by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

exams...exams...exams....exams stress...stresssssss oh the stress

sleepless nights and craving nicotine

jackiesmightyheart — Sun, 19 May 2013 09:30:56 GMT

sleepless nights and craving nicotine by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

Sorry the number you have dialled is not available because you sir are not a very nice man

jackiesmightyheart — Sat, 18 May 2013 18:11:35 GMT

Sorry the number you have dialled is not available because you sir are not a very nice man by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

Never kisses, all do you ever send are full stops (TH)

jackiesmightyheart — Wed, 15 May 2013 14:09:07 GMT

Never kisses, all do you ever send are full stops (TH) by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

THURSDAY, MAY 9TH: Townies, it's our last day of school. The Darcy kids are throwing a party tonight to kick off the summer of champions. You're gonna wanna be there... Never a good idea to miss a Darcy party. I excitedly entered the familiar Darcy Residence with a big smile on my face. I have been here many times before some of these memories I was fond of others I rather bury deep inside of my heart. "Drinks ?",Tristan asked me. "I though I was a terrible drunk ?",I said snappy. He laughed at that "You are right",he said. I pulled a face. "I am going to socialise,you get drunk or something. I am being responsible adult for today",I told him. "Thank you sister",he said and with that disappeared. I wanted him to have fun,and of course Tristan was one of my dearest friends but I wanted to find Holden and Tristan couldn't stand him and me together,so Tristan had to go. I spotted Holly from a mile away "Holly .Holly",I yelled. She turned around and she gave me the sort of "Who are you again" look. "It's me Arya",I said excited. She squinted a little but a smile briefly flashed over her face but just briefly. "Yeah I remember you. We sat next to each other in all through middle school right?",she said. I nodded happily. "You moved away to New York,didn't you ?",she asked me. I nodded again " Do you not remember that time you came down to Jenna Ma's birthday? We spend in hour together trying to get in the bathroom",I said trying to trigger her memory. She looked at me confused. "I vaguely recall that",she said. I was kind of disappointed by that response but I kept on smiling. "Anyways it's nice to see you again",I proceeded and finally here she gave me an actual smile. We then preceded to talk about random things,a little about New York but not much she seemed a little uncomfortable about that subject,the conversation ended swiftly after that and escaped. I don't know if I had done anything wrong. But I like Holly. Hopefully we could become friends. "Arya",I heard a voice call me,My face lit up in an instant when I saw Holden coming my direction. "Holden",i said happily and run into his arms. He hugged me tightly and picked me up to swirl me around. It was one of our many childish ways. He put me down and pulled me face close to his. "I have missed this stupid face",he whispered. And scrunched up my nose and grinned. I kissed his nose ,quickly as if I had stolen something with a mischievous grin plastered on my face. "I have missed you so much more Holden Darcy",I replied. He put his arm around me and we wandered around the party finding a place to talk. "How long have you been in town ?",Holden asked me while sipping on some beer. "A couple of days",I replied. He looked offended. "And you did not bother to find me? To contact me ? I thought I was your favourite person",I said. I felt something in me. It kind of hurt. I didn't know what it was but this pain happened often with Holden. "What gave you that idea ?",I said trying to be cheeky. He laughed at my response. He brushed strand of my hair behind my ears. "Do you really want me to say it out loud,what gave you away ?,he said. I went bright red. He was amused by that and laughed again. I looked away. "I am going to be right back,kiddo. Stay put",he said and disappeared into the crowds of people. I watched him walk away from me. I always watch him walk away from me. 15 minutes later and Holden has still not returned. I stood there starting to feel stupid. And silly but most of all I felt horrible about myself. This always happens with him but I can't help myself. I bit my lip, I was growing more anxious. He was not returning to me, because I wasn't important. I decided to sit down ,so I plonked myself next to a tall ,tanned girl who was downing something. "Hi,I am Arya",I introduced myself. If we were going to share the couch might as well make friends with her. She looked at me taken aback at first with my hand offering to shake hers but she took the offer. She looked at me and then responded " I'm Amari",she said and I smiled brightly only for her face to respond to that smile. Amari then proceeded to tell me about herself and I told her all about my grand plans of the summer.I let out my plan to get with Holden to me but I told her everything else. I was starting to become very fond of her. She seemed like the type of girl I could spend all summer with making fun of people and break into old abandon houses with. Her phone started buzzing but she did not respond at first "Your phone",I said. She looked bewildered before retrieving the phone to check who it is. She had a strange look on her face and I decided that perhaps I should go ,so I did. I started to feel more and more upset about Holden disappearance and usually I would go and find Tristan and get drunk and have a good old time but I just felt shitty. I decided to head for the door ,I needed some air and clear my head. I sat on those familiar steps just outside the door,like I have done so many times before. Contemplating why I was doing this to myself. Holden wasn't even that good to you. But there was something about the smile he would give me ,and the way he would say my name. But most importantly it was about the way he would kiss me. Yeah it was the way he embraced me that made me think that he perhaps loves me but maybe i was just fooling myself. But I put my brave face on. I got my positivity back up. And smiled. Because everyone loves a girl with a smile. I headed back inside. As i attempted to go back in I almost slammed into a slender dark haired girl. “Oh sorry!” I exclaimed said. The girl turned around and said "It's cool", I smiled kindly. "Im Arya" I introduced myself ,“Indiana Sky” she nodded with a smile. “Oh!! You are the girl from the old Wessloh mansion, it’s a beautiful house, one of the prettiest” I recalled. “How do you know my house?” Indiana asked me intrigued. “Once when it was for sale, and there was nobody living there me and a friend entered through the beach, we just wanted to see it, its beautiful” ,I told her. One of my many hobbies back then was breaking and perhaps entering into the abandon houses. They were so pretty. I now that was against the law and all but I wasn't really occupying the rooms or staying there or anything. Most of the times we just run around ,played hide and seek or got drunk on their back yards. It was all innocent stuff. “Oh yeah, it’s a great place, im more of city lover, but hey, everyone here is drunk by 2pm” Indiana joked. I laughed and that's when I spotted Holden walking towards us. I was trying hard to control my expression. Look happy. He smiled at me widely,I felt a twinge of happiness and disgust towards that action. “Who do we have here?” he said, throwing his arm around me. “Holden Darcy this is Indiana Sky, she lives in the Wessloh Mannor” I introduced them to each other. “Nice to meet you” Holden said and his tone was more then friendly. He kept looking her up and down,clearly obviously checking her out. I grabbed him closer and whispered into his ear " Where did you go earlier". I felt rude towards Indiana but I had to kind of give her the vibe that I liked this boy and that I would have appreciated her not to get with him. She was pretty and attractive. More attractive then I was. She seemed cool and adventures and someone that I felt Holden would have preferred to me. Because I am just a nice sweet girl to everyone. I was a bad drunk yeah and occasionally adventures but to Holden I was just a sweet girl. And I was sick of that. Indiana seemed have gotten the hint and walked away quickly. Holden didn't really answer my question and just mumbled about going to get something to drink and then I disappeared or something. He called me babe and tried to wrap his arm around me and I let him for a second and then I pulled away and looked at him. "What?",he asked me confused. I took a deep breath out. "Nothing",I said,my smile fading. "I am going to get you something to drink",he said and kissed me on the head. I watched him walk away from me. Again. I always watch him walk away from me. My mood was increasingly turning sour and as I walked around trying to find Tristan or someone who was a friend. I saw him Holden talking or should I more say flirting with Indiana. I bit my lip. I liked her,why did he have to hit on her. I felt like now I hated her and I didn't want to. I didn't want to feel jealous. I didn't want to feel useless. I felt pathetic. I turned away from the scene. I was downing my 4th shot of Sambuca when my brother found me drinking with some friends from school who had embraced my return. Tristan took the vodka out of my hand."Don't mix your drinks",he warned me. I giggled happily. "I am trying to attain a spiritual drunkness my dear",I told him. He asked me to get up and go outside. "I thought you wanted to be a responsible adult today,how much did you have to drink?",he asked me warningly. "A bit..a lot",I laughed again. He shook his head. "But are you alright?",he asked me again. I looked at him,pulling his cute little face closer. "If something was wrong you would be the first to know. I just wanted to have a good time",i lied. He looked at me "I believe you. But I want you to sit here for a bit and sober up okay. I am not going to mother you because you hate that but wait at least 40 minutes before drinking more okay",he said. I nodded happily. "Find me if you need me",he said and kissed me cheek lovingly like he did. I didn't want to lie to Tristan but I didn't want to tell him about my pathetic feelings. I did as I was told and sat there as he headed back inside. I didn't like to be mothered by him and I was glad that tonight he decided to let me be. "Hey",a girl said who plonked herself next to me. I turned and smiled. 'Hey",I replied. She was pretty in a strange way but nevertheless still pretty. "Arya",I introduced myself. "Sephora",she said and smiled at me,I returned that smile. "You okay?",she asked me. I looked at her confused. "You crying while smiling",she pointed out. I didn't even realise. I wiped my tears away and let that smile disappear of my face. "Boys are stupid",I told her. She kind of laughed at that. We sat there in silence looking out to the happening of the party around us. There was Holden. My face changed when I saw him. That happy face that I try to keep plastered there at all times appeared even though I really didn't like it. "Wow,you are smiling again. You almost look happy. But I know you are sad",Sephora noticed. My eyes were fixed on Holden. My whole being was begging for him to see me. "Is that him",she asked me. I somehow nodded. "He once told me he hated to see my crying face. He told me he found girls who were always upset and let on something was wrong annoying. So I pretend nothing was wrong",I confessed. She looked at me. "But it seems that something is very wrong",she told me before leaving me be and perhaps actually enjoying herself. I watched him and as always I watched him walk away from me. I always watch him walk away from me.

She ain't mine if she's everybody else's (Audition)

jackiesmightyheart — Tue, 14 May 2013 19:04:18 GMT

She ain't mine if she's everybody else's (Audition) by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

name: Samantha Kinsella age: 17 birthday: July 3rd known as: The Has Massive Teenage Angst – Rebel – Comedian likes: reading girly magazines for entertainment,ice tea,adventures,long nights,kids,f.scott Fitzgerald, dancing,jack daniels, ,teasing her friends,The breakfast Club dislikes: early mornings,quiet Friday nights,liars,people forcing her to do things she doesn't want to do, being boring, when people can't have a laugh music: Daft Punk,Alt-J,James Blake,Hundred Waters Mount Kimbie,Gold Panda,Fantastic Mr Fox,Justice,Deadmau5 food: chinese food, a lot of fruit, is lactose intolerant so avoids all milk based food but ice cream. She can't give up ice cream. style: a lot of dresses and one pieces,she is very fond of the colour white and short clothes. You will never see here wear long trousers or skirts. Also a lot of sandals and wooden heels. personality: Sam tends to be a trouble maker,she is loud and can be a little brash at times. But she is charming and her honesty can be refreshing to most and most find her funny altogether. Even though she tends to be very string willed and stubborn,as a friend she is very loyal ,she can be a little unwilling to apologise at first but she always means well. bio: sam is every parent’s worst nightmare. she does what she wants when she wants. although she’s not the best role model, sam has a shining personality that could brighten any room. sam’s family raised her strictly, but she decided she didn’t want to be a stiff. Even though she teases and bullies her friends most of the time all in all she really loves them deep down, she can mess with them but you can't and if you do. She won't be very happy with you and may ruin your life. family: mother : Breann Kinsella 48 (Chair of Committees, just Chair of tons of Committess that Sam doesn't care about) Peter Kinsella ,49 (Laywer) Siblings: Annabeth Kinsella 12 , George Kinsella 15,Joshua Kinsella 24 (married and also a lawyer gearing up to be a partner at dad law firm) past/current relationships: Sam has really ever dated two people in her entire High School Career. Thomas Weller who is irrelevant and a mistake and then there was Noah Cormac ( Zac Eforn) and Sam really didn't do well with this one. They were good together and Sam had to go and be her teenage angst ,let's be self destructive self and ruin it. Her and Noah are all cool now but Sam still has feelings for him. But there is a rumour that he will be in The Bahamas this summer. What is a girl gonna do? secret: She told everyone she lost her virginity to Noah, when she didn't lose it to him. She lost it to someone's brother. collection: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/collection?id=2563242 model: Behati Prinsloo taken by:jackiesmightyheart Song: Lana Del Rey - Young and Beautiful London Grammer-Hey Now Geeks-Wash Away I smiled as I saw Delaney walk towards us. I had been alone with Ella for a little too long for my liking,I loved that girl I did but in light of recent events her and Amelia have been sort of disappointed in my behaviour. It wasn't like they openly hated me or were mad,no they supported me ,they always did because that's what friends do support you. Even when you totally fu-ck up. "Hello girls",Del said excited grinning from ear to ear. "You look happy?",Ella pointed out. "Where are the others?",she asked us first looking around. "On their way hopefully",Ella replied checking her phone. I took another sip from my Ice tea. "What's the news ?",I asked again. She shushed me. "The others have to be here for me to make the big announcement?",she told me. "Did you buy something irrelevant again that none of us care about?",I joked and Ella laughed slightly hitting me for my indecency. "I am obviously kidding",I said and hugged Deleany tightly. She pushed me away in disgust. "Too much love",she complained. "Over here",Ella yelled the others over. They all got in their seats and we all looked at Del expecting something. "MY PARENTS BOOKED US A VILLA IN THE BAHAMAS",she screeched followed by us screeching because we al knew it was going to be the most amazing thing of all time. We laughed we smiled. I became even more excited about this holiday. I really wanted to go now. As we got up to go to dinner Delaney pulled me to the side "Rumour has it that a certain Noah Cormac and his family are vacating in the Bahamas this summer"she told me. My eyes widen by that comment. "What are you are going to do about it?",she asked me curious. I gave her a mischievous smile. "What a girl ought to do",i replied and winked. "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN SAM?",she yelled after me. I laughed and grabbed her hand. "You will see but for now we gonna get us some eats okay",I told her. "Don't stir up trouble Kinsella",I heard the girls say behind me. "Me,never",i joked.

What the hell could I be searching for, Somebody cut me open so I can see the inside of me (Audition for PW2.0)

jackiesmightyheart — Sun, 12 May 2013 02:18:22 GMT

What the hell could I be searching for, Somebody cut me open so I can see the inside of me (Audition for PW2.0) by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

+ name; Billie Jean Herondale + nickname; Bill,dale, + age; 18 + college;Parsons The New School for Design + major;Fine Art + likes; drawing,doodling,listening to classical music before sleep,older men,new york city,china town,late nights,alt-j,music consisting of instrumentals,cold coffee,dark lipstick,smoking her daily cigarette, her sister, + dislikes; people wearing glasses they don't need,taking her meds,long car rides,stress,dreamless nights,indian food,high school,coldgrove,therapy + personality; has a tendency to have no filter and is very expressive thus find it hard when other people struggle expressing themselves . Her honesty can be quite tactless at times ,rubbing people the wrong way and people often think she has Aspergers because of the way she behaves but she tries really hard to be sociable and not to withdraw anymore,when she struggles. She is trying to be more open. + appearance; longish brown hair,tanned skin,quite tall, strong eyebrows,dark eyes and glasses + style; her style is rather quirky and eclectic,it just changes all the time to whatever she finds in her closet or goodwill or steals from her mother. + family; Mother : Billie Jean comes from a very wholesome family,she is super close to her mother Annie Herondale[Molly Ringwald] (nee Cameron) 41,whom she literally talks to everyday. Her mother works as a Paralegal. Her Father : Edward Herondale [John Barrowman] ,49 owns some pubs and restaurants back in Coldgrove. She and her father aren't particular close ,she doesn't dislike him but she doesn't really know what to say to him most of the time. Billie Jean on the other hand is super close with her older sister Jolene Herondale,20 [Zippora Seven] who also goes to NYU and they are best friends and Billie wouldn't know what to do without her. Then there is Billie's Twin brother Nathan Jones Herondale [Logan Lerman] (deceased ,15) who committed suicide during high school,Billie misses him everyday ,they were extremely close. + past/current relationships; string of boyfriends but nothing to serious or worth mentioning. + bio; Billie Jean (which she a prefers to be called) who just at the young age of 15 got over the fact that her mother literally named her after a song, actually her mother named all of them after songs,like the strange woman that she is ;at the delicate age where she had settled into High school and friends and growing up really,she hadn't figured it out but she surely wasn't as scared anymore and to wake up one morning finding her brother dead,suicide. He had hung himself in his room,that same room right next to hers. Their walls were so thin she could hear him cough at night. But she did not hear this. Billie Jean's life went into turmoil. Her and her brother were twins and very close,his death made no sense to her. They told him that had clinical depression and that he wasn't coping well with school and growing up and all and Billie just didn't understand why that would make him kill himself. They explained it to her countless times but she didn't get it . She just didn't and the more she didn't understand how he can just leave without her ,the more it changed her. Later on she was diagnosed with Depression herself. Most people don't really remember much of Billie Jean during High School because she completely withdrew,she didn't really go anymore,she found people very exhausting,she found standing in the place that made her brother commit suicide physically sickening. She just couldn't deal,so she ended up being partially home-schooled and just showing up for test. She is better now though,she still struggles with it sometimes,but she is taking her medication and going to therapy even though she hates her therapist. But being in New York feels different to Billie, it feels fresh and new . That feeling she felt when she was 15 that feeling of being settled about life,not quite got it all figured out but it wasn't scary anymore. She got into her dream Uni studying Art the thing she believes saved her from eternal sadness and getting a part-time job and an Architecture company where one she may or may not have a huge crush on one of the partners,who is way too old for her. + dating status; having a huge crush on Dorian Johansen (Tom Hiddleston) + model; tallulah morton + taken by; jackiemightyheart Love interest Dorian Johansen 30 Partner at an Architecture Company Dating Status: Attracted to Billie Jean,when he knows she shouldn't be. Tom Hiddleston

And you keep on standing still (TH)

jackiesmightyheart — Sat, 11 May 2013 18:56:34 GMT

And you keep on standing still (TH) by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

WEDNESDAY, MAY 8TH: Do you hear that? Sounds like it's summer time and we all know what that means -- vacationers. There'll be a welcome summer party down on the boardwalk tonight and all are welcome. There'll be music, bonfires, and beers to smuggle (please comment if you liked to be friends or enemies with Arya,thank you) Story time: Tristan rolled his eyes as I excitedly run down the broad walk to get my favourite fish and chips. I breathed in the fresh air,I really missed home. "I don't know why you love this chip shop so much", Tristan said. I munched down on my chips while wiggling around happy. "Gah,don't you just love it here ?",I exclaimed happily. Tristan shook his head " As my duty as the cynical ,sarcastic one ,I must say I do not love it here. Everything is so cliquey. I want to get drunk without having to worry about a and z ,flake this and townie that",he told me earnestly. "I ignore all of that. People can get so dramatic here",I told him. He laughed " No, Arya you can get dramatic,like seriously",he said still laughing. I threw a chip at him. "Please don't drink a lot tomorrow,we just arrived and I don't have money to pay for your usual inappropriate behaviour fine",he told me. I threw another chip at him " That happened twice,okay",I defended myself. "Right. You tell yourself that",he laughed. I pulled a face. "What's tomorrow ??".I asked as we wandered around the broadwalk. "Party at Darcy's I do believe",he told me. "How do you know?",I wondered as I tried on novelty glasses. "I have my sources",Tristan told me trying to sound mysterious. "You don't have sources,you have like 3 friends and I am one of them",I called him out. "Holden text me about it",he said. I pulled another grimace. "You don't like Holden",I said. "Yeah,I don't like a lot of people. Doesn't mean they aren't fond of me",he replied. "I really don't understand how you are a real person",I said and pushed him slightly. He grabbed me and tried to suffocate me through a hug. I was helping my mother prepare dinner when she turned around and asked me "Are you going to meet up with all of your old friends ?". "Hopefully",I said and smiled. She looked pleased at that thought. But honestly I didn't know if they wanted to meet up with me. But I was being optimistic as usual. Years of friendship is stronger then a change of zip code right ? "DINNER",I yelled down the corridor. I looked outside and saw our amazing view of the beach. I really did miss this,miss the beach,the food,everything about this place. Summer,yes,Summer was going to be perfect. Hopefully.

my recent thoughts after current events

jackiesmightyheart — Sun, 05 May 2013 11:48:22 GMT

my recent thoughts after current events by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

unstilted

jackiesmightyheart — Fri, 03 May 2013 00:21:10 GMT

unstilted by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

I'll take you to the ocean, I'll bring the sun We are seventeen, we have just begun...(TH-Audition)

jackiesmightyheart — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 14:47:31 GMT

I'll take you to the ocean, I'll bring the sun We are seventeen, we have just begun...(TH-Audition) by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

audition format: name: Arya Chambray age: 17,seniors birthday:4.6.1995 hometown: used to be a townie but now is a flake likes:hot weather,cold drinks,long days,the beach,road trips,the colour brown,white and green,her dad's old beat up jacket,sunglasses,hats,supernatural,family, fish&chips,piano dislikes:hot drinks,rainy days, the big bang theory,indecisive and fickle people,moaners,umbrellas,being bored,twitter, appearance:long brown hair,blue eyes and a slender figure height:160 cm weight:a lady does not reveal her weight music: mostly british indie/alternative such as: Young Kato,The Vacciness,Bombay Bicycle Club,Lucy Rose,Dog is Dead,Bastille, the xx,Ellie Goulding, Dry The River,Tribe,The Maccabees and her guilty pleasure Beyonce. Because everybody loves Beyonce. food:fish and chips are her favourite of all time. Salads,pasta and ramen. style: likes wearing skirts and crop tops. Skirts vary from being midi skirts to very short skirts,loves patterns next to basics . Summer hats and sunglasses and of course her father old jacket if it's cold. personality: Arya is a very cheerful person with a tendency to be over dramatic and a bit stubborn. She often gets too attached to people . bio:Arya was born and bred in the Hamptons and thus technically speaking a Townie but about two years ago her mother got married and her husband was the Flake Cormac Deanery a lawyer from the city. The whole family got up rooted there. And at first Arya hates the idea but she quickly grew very fond of the city and her new family. She just wants her mother to be happy. Arya very much still regards herself as a Townie but the other might not thinks so and she can feel a little bit of contempt between her new status as a flake but she tries to pretend that she doesn't care because she doesn't believe in being upset over silly little things. This summer thought for Arya is where she finally decides where she stand with Holden. She has promised herself to find out what is happening with them and if it all ends like every other time and every other summer ,she will drop him like a hot potato but can she really do that ? family:Mother: Maria Chambray- Deanery ,46 (Lena Headey,): Owner of the very popular diner "Maisie's Summer" by the beach and a newly opened restaurant in New York called Maisie. She has a very good relationship with her mother but often things her mother cares way too much about her life and tries to keep her at a distances. Her mother can get a little over involved. Father: Alistar Chambray,50 (John Cusack) deceased. Died of Heart-attack when Arya was about 11. Has a very fond memory of him and thus keeps his jacket with her. She wears it all the time and has a picture of him in her room. Step-Father: Cormac Deanery,47 (Gerard Butler) , a partner at a law firm. Is head over heels in love with Arya's mother and Arya is quite fond of Cormac. She thinks he makes her mother happy and that makes her happy. She refuses to call him dad or father but calls him Mac instead . He has a son called Tristan who lives with them part time. Sister: Antonia Chambray 21,(Emmy Rossum),Tonia is Arya's older sister who goes to NYC and loves it there. Arya and Tonia get on most of the time but Arya gets frustrated with her sister a lot as Tonia isn't fond of her new step family and really snarky about it also Arya finds Tonia's fickleness to be infuriating. Step-Brother: Tristan Deanery,18 (Jesse Eisenberg),Tristan splits his time living with his mother and his father. He often now prefers staying with his father as him and Arya have become not just siblings but bets friends. Both of them enjoy the same things and tend to hang out the most with each other. There are very close and comfortable. And Arya has become very protective and attached to Tristan and other way round. past/current relationships:Arya has the biggest crush on Holden Darcy, 18 [townie] she always has even though she hasn't lived in town for the past two years these two always find themselves in each others arms. Even though Arya's relationship with Holden is undefined and headache inducing for Arya at least she can't help but still want him as much . best friends: her step-brother Tristan Deanery (Jesse Eisenberg) and (please comment below if you want to be Arya's best friend ) collection: {optional} model:Emilia Clarke taken by:jackiesmightyheart Story: When I was 11 ,I thought that my whole world had collapsed. I had found my father collapsed on the floor and when I saw his motionless body ,I cried my little eyes out. He had shook him and shook him ,told him to "hang on " ,just to not go and leave me. But he wouldn't budge. I had cried and cried and finally had come to my sense and called an ambulance. They came as fast as they could and said he had a heart attack. I remember the smell of his burned skin as they were trying to retrieve him ,over and over and over again but he just didn't come to himself. Somewhere in between that my mother had arrived. She didn't look like she had cried. She arrived at the scene crazed and worried. She looked around and only glanced at my mother but rushed over to me. She held me in her arms and told me "It is okay,over and over again until I fell fast asleep in her arms. I was woken up by the sounds of a sob. It was my mother ,she quietly by herself cried in her bathroom ,not for me or my sister to see. She kept it to herself and I felt bad so I got of that bed and hugged her as tight as my small body could. She looked taken aback as I over and over again whispered : "I am sorry". She stopped swiftly and looked at me. "Why are you sorry ? This is not your fault",she said. She smiled kindly like mothers do. She wiped my tears away as I wiped hers. "All I need from you is to smile like you always do,okay. Remember how much your father loved to make you happy and laugh ,I want you to still be happy and laugh ,okay. You look just like him when you do ",she said and kissed me on the cheek. And since that day I vowed that I would always try and be happy and cheerful because I felt as if my father was still part of me that way. A 5 years later: "SHUT UP",I yelled across the house. I heard Tristan laughing hard. "You know I am right",he said as he ducked from the pillows I threw in his direction. "I did not say that!",I firmly say and turn around back into the living room. "I am pretty sure you did." Oh Holden please..",he imitated my voice. I threw the remote at him "STOP IT",I yelled again. "What's all this fuss about?",Mac came out of his study looking at us slightly amused. "Your son keeps listening to me as I sleep talk and accusing me of saying things that I did not. I feel as if My privacy is constantly invaded",I said in my yes layer speak. Mac laughed. "Maybe You and I should just send Tristan back to his mother who is off to France with her girlfriends and he can join by carrying there bags and other slave like work",he joked and winked at me. I stuck my tongue out to Tristan. " I hereby formally apologise to you Arya Chambray. Everything but that",he said and I burst out laughing. "See that's all sorted then,right ? Can you guys keep it down for now,gotta do some lawyer stuff. Tres boring",he said and vanished into his study. "I am hungry",Tristan suddenly said. I looked at him ."We can go to Mum's place if you want to",I suggested. "Why can't we order pizza ? Moving is effort ! ",he said. I crumbled my nose "I am not a fan of pizza my friend but I will get chicken wings",I told him. He smiled. "That sounds good,I will go and order it,why don't you become useful and chose a movie",he said to me. "With that tone I might end up choosing the Princess Dairies by accident",I said. He laughed: " I love the Princess Diaries okay !". I collapsed into the sofa laughing because I knew he did he really did love the Princess Diaries. He knew every line,every song . No matter how many times we watch it together and I say it ,itself makes me laugh uncontrollably. (rathe meh story but just sets up the relations the characters have towards Arya)

And do you go out with friends ?

jackiesmightyheart — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 23:24:09 GMT

And do you go out with friends ? by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

I looked at my reflection. I was tall but somehow tiny. I this really small face that made me look like a child in some way but then again didn't. My father always said that I was adorable in every way but also the most beautiful thing he has ever seen next to my mother of course. And I always thought that he said it because he was my parents and thats what parents do,think that their children are the most beautiful creatures on earth,blood or no blood. Parents love is the same . But the more I think about love the more I become to understand,he thought that way not because I was his child but because he loved me and that love that he had for me ,that he gave me and i returned to him made me beautiful to him. Love ,that love that he has for me is what makes me pretty. I started to think if Mathias or any of my boyfriends have ever looked at me with such love as my father had. If any of them has ever thought " god,she is beautiful because I love her". It pained me to think that I have never received such love ,it pained me to think that I might never do. But then again have I ever given such love. Can I truly say I have loved madly,deeply ? Or is that fleeting feeling for Mathias the first time for it to hurt so bad ? Is this the first time for me to have fallen unsuccessfully in love so that kind of love that I was talking about,that love that makes one beautiful I just missed out on it ? I stared at my face. Was it timing this time ? Or was it more like that he just chose her instead. I bit my lip. No more thinking of him. But have I never really loved ? Wait no...that's not true. There was Anton. Anton Gorbachev. I really liked him but he said that it wasn't enough. He was the only guy were I really cried my eyes out for. I cried for weeks for Anton. Because I really liked him and he almost didn't allow me to express it ,as if he'd stopped it before it could have hurt anymore. I think most of all I was sad that he wasn't there anymore. He was one of the few I always thought understood me. He did. With just a smile,just his eyes always knew what was on my mind. Why was it that my love is always cut so very short ?I contemplated that notion until the phone rung. All that talk about Anton made me suddenly recall the very first time that I had met him. It made me recall out turbulent courtship. This was only a year ago thinking about it last spring to be exact. Father and I used to go to this fancy art gallery downtown and pretend that we cared about post modernism art (we really don't) and basically just pretend to be pretentious as hell. Some times we would go and speak only in french and other times only Japanese to fool people. It was always my favourite past time .Father called it "Bonding time". When they had left for quite an extensive trip abroad ,I had stayed behind for a change and by Week 2 I came to miss Father and Mother and to not feel so lonely ,I went to that fancy art gallery by myself but it wasn't the same I tell you but I don't regret going because that was were I met him. Anton was the first boy were could honestly say I fell for at first sight. He was dressed in all black. Wearing boots,black skinny jeans a long black button up shirt with interesting cufflinks and collar tips. His skin was as pale as snow and his hair as black a choral. I thought he was the prettiest thing and when he saw me staring he smiled the kindest of smiles a boy had ever given to me. I returned the favour and we spoke and spoke throughout the night. He took me to this nice late night cafe and he told me about russia and i spoke about France and we laughed and exchanged loving stares and I feel in love hard. I remember it like it happened yesterday,the first time he had pressed his soft rosy lips against mine and made my heart beat faster then I ever thought it could. It was at one of those many parties us rich kids hold and it was mainly the boys school and ours so I didn't expect him to be there at all. He was older. 22 years old and at University writing a dissertation on Russian History and it's correlation to their Art and we were just a bunch of kids with too much money. That day had been the first time I had actually attend one of those events but as per usual I felt the need to escape the masses the people and hid in my oddness I would call it sometime. I had found myself crouched down in some corner of their huge garden when he found me. I was desperately trying to light a cigarette and he watched me smiling. "You look adorable like that",he has said to draw my attention to him. I looked up with the cigarette half falling out of my mouth and he laughed at that. He kneeled down next to me ad took the cigarette out of my mouth,he pushed it between his lips and grabbed my hands and cupped his hands around mine to help him light his cigarette. I felt my cheeks flush red with that sudden skinship and he smirked because he knew. He let me hands go slowly softly as he stared deeply into my eyes,taking my breath away. He removed the cigarette from his mouth and exhaled "You're interesting Yana",he said softly and smirked again. I swallowed hard as I took the cigarette out of his hand and took a long drag. "I like you",he had said and my eyes had widen as I exhaled,suddenly I felt his lips on mine. I still remember the taste nicotine mixed with lemons and alcohol. I dropped my cigarette as he pulled my body towards his. I moaned into his kisses as he deepened them. I could feel him grin through the kisses. There we were making out in someone else's garden. Painfully the memory of our break-up rushed to me. I felt the tears swelling up. I was sad all together but just thinking about it. I recall laying in bed next to him. Skin on skin,my head resting on his chest and me feeling so absolutely content about my life. Like I thought it could only improve from here but obviously I didn't know much. He had been quite for quite a while and all he did was stroke my hair in a strange rhythm that send me to sleep. I felt him nudge me and he said " I think we should stop seeing each other my dearest Yana". I got up straight away ,I was taken aback and as he spoke those words I felt like everything beautiful was tainted. "What ?",I could barely say. "This relationship isn't going anywhere and I feel as if we stayed like this,if we tried to make it work,tried our very best it will only hurt us. And I want to remember you fondly",he has told me. I but my tongue. "I don't understand what exactly is wrong. I mean you like me and I like you and I don't see the problem",I said to him. He smiled kindly and kissed my cheek. "The thing is Yana liking me isn't enough for me and I don't think you will ever feel the that I want you to feel about me. The way I think I could feel about you. It's not enough for me.This is not enough for me ",he told me. I was just so confused in welling up in tears ,i chocked on my next words. "But..",I said. He hugged me tightly and shushed me "Please just cry now",he said softly and so I did. "This will never be enough for both of us trust me",he had said when he had walked me home. I cried for days and days on end and I never understood what he meant. But maybe now I do .The way I feel about him and Mat is different,the feelings,the longings. The connection is different. I feel absolutely devastated knowing that Mat is no longer in my life that I can't speak to him or even just look at him. Because he will never be mine . That feeling that Anton wanted me to feel was that. He wanted me to feel like that about him.I think.I understand a little but man the way I felt about that boy ,I didn't think that I could ever feel like this again but here I was feeling like that again.

So let's neglect the what ifs.

jackiesmightyheart — Sun, 17 Mar 2013 23:10:31 GMT

So let's neglect the what ifs. by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

(This just has turned into a weekly story or something) It was the end of midterms and I felt that twinge of happiness as I walked out of my last exam with that relief that it was done. That I was free now. I breathed heavily. It's been a week since Mat had told me that he couldn't anymore. When he told me he chose her. It hurt,it really did but I wasn't the kind of girl to linger so I didn't. It was what I wanted. I know knew where I stood but yet still i felt the pain wash over me. I missed him. i really did. I missed him when I sat in my apartment looking outside of my window with my cup of tea by myself knowing he was so close yet unattainable. Ronnie run up to me excitedly. "AHHHHHH',she yelled in absolute glee , I smiled. "ITS DONE",she shouted. I started dancing happily with her. "And then there is the dance tomorrow,ahh we going to party so hard it's going to hurt my feet for weeks",she told me as she swung her arm around me. I smirked at her. "I don't know how to tell you this but its just a lame school dance,it be meh",I said. She looked at me taken aback "But dearest Yana I personally know the organiser of this beautiful celebration and it will most definitely be the best night of your life. Pinky promise",she said and held out her pinky. I smiled by her cuteness and said " I am holding you to that Veronica,I really am", and then I got into a cab home. I needed some me time. I layed on my bed aimlessly and thought,because I really hadn't had the time to sort out my feelings between studying for Mid-terms. I had almost turned them off,those annoying pesky feelings so I could concentrate but the second I felt the relieve of it all ending I felt the sadness of something else ending. I started to miss something,I started to miss thing I had never had ,things I hoped for but never got. I walked over to my kitchen and started brewing a cup of my "iamsosadandemotionaltea" also know as Earl Grey. Or Lady Earl Grey as my mother would say. The sun was setting and I decided to sit myself outside to watch the view of my balcony. I sat there taking in the stunning view that was New York ,sipping my Lady Grey wondering where in earth I suddenly had all these feelings for this boy from. I started to remember the first time my heart beat had beat to fast for my liking. We had been watching a film and had fallen asleep and somewhere between I had woken up and saw that my face incredibly close to his,I felt that he had covered me in a blanket and that his arm was around me ,comforting me. His other hand was laying on top of mine and he was stroking my side softly with the other. I felt safe,taking care of and most of all my heart was beating so fast knowing that his breath was on my skin. His hot breath was right there. And it didn't feel wrong but I knew it wasn't right. I felt my heart ache by the thought that we would never have these kind of moment again. Those moments that made my heart flutter. I felt sad. I felt a sudden presence next to me but I didn't dare to turn around and see that it was him. I wanted to confirm it but knew I shouldn't. I knew that he was burning holes into me but I kept my gaze focused on the city of lights ahead. I wanted so badly to just look at him,speak to him but we almost forbid ourselves to do so. I heard him sit himself down and heard him take sip of a drink and so we sat there together but not together watching the city. Our city,is what we used to call it,this used to be a view we shared and it was funny how it was the same sky but it felt so different because we didn't gaze at it like we used to . " Some people are just not meant to be together",I heard him say suddenly into the distance. I turned to him,my face full of anger and disappointment. He looked relieved when he saw my face ,as if he said it to get me to look at him. I looked away immediately when our eyes met,trying hard not to cry. Why was I crying ? Why did that upset me ? "You must understand ?",he said to me. I turned my gaze to the city. "I can't stop myself. I am confused. I- I don't know what I want. I want you but I don't want to hurt her",he told me. I kept my gaze steady. "That's nice . But I don't need your words. I need something real,something I can hold onto. Because friendship that friendship that we played wasn't okay for me but nothing isn't okay for me either and now here you are telling me things I want to hear but you aren't doing anything. Words...all you do is give me empty words. I don't need them",I finally turned to him. Tears rolling down my face. He looked taken aback by the tears and almost hurt by them to as if they were burning on his skin. "Yana",he said softly. "Stay with her and stay away from me . You can't have it all Mathias. You really can't",I said and started to walk out. "YANA!",I heard him yell. I rushed inside and hid in my room. I sat there feeling numb. Didn't he say ,he couldn't. Didn't he promise that he would stay away or did I imagine that. I hated that he said all things I wanted to hear. I always knew what to say to make it okay. But It really wasn't okay. Because I couldn't have him. Maybe he was right maybe we weren't meant to be together.

it just sounds like every other love song (MM)

jackiesmightyheart — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 22:39:40 GMT

it just sounds like every other love song (MM) by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

"Sunday January 13th: Family brunch today at the Trump Hotel. Although it may be a little old fashioned, everyone will be there! It is a special get together for the exclusive members of New York." Bai looked at me "When did you become such a fashionista ?",she said giggling as she knew that the whole world of fashion made me feel very ehm awkward. I stuck out my tongue and turned back to watching Lu pose for the photographer. She looked very pretty in all of her glittery eerie make up and the drew she wore was just stunning. "How are you anyways Morrisey?",Bai asked me. I looked at her and tried my very hardest to smile. "I am pretty good. Midterms are a bit of a urghh but you know can't complain",I told her. She looked at me almost doubting me but then the photographer yelled for her so she couldn't investigate and interrogate me. I was so glad he called her ,that feeling is so hard describe. Relief doesn't even cover it. Lu came over with a bright fresh smile on her face. "Oh you look pretty today?",she said . I tilted my head in confusion. "Really ?",I asked her. "It's very 60's teenage angst going on here with you",she told me "it suits you". I took the compliment. "I am getting hungry when are you done being all pretty and stuffs?,I asked. "Just 20 more minutes. He just needs to take our face shots and then we should be down and get Korean foods",she told me and pulled me into a tender hug. I taken aback stayed in that hug with my whole being feeling awkward. Did she know ? 'That's a wrap",I suddenly heard the crew yell. I looked around and everyone was rushing and fetching and I watched that magical world disintegrate into nothing but a simple set. I felt like that was somehow a metaphor for my life. I shook my head to get those thoughts out of my head. As our food finally arrived all three of us got our metal chopsticks out. The waiter looked at us confused at first but then smiled. "Enjoy",he said and winked. "He so wants you",Lu whispered. I rolled my eyes. "According to you all of New York wants me. He is trying to get a tip",I said frank and shoved some meat into my mouth. Bai laughed and passed me the soy sauce "You never know one of these days she might be right"she said. I looked at her and laughed. "if she wasn't I'd be seriously worried",I replied. "Listen guys I am good at this",Lu informed us. Bai and I turned away. "Okay maybe I am not",she admitted. Bai and I laughed and turned back to face her. "You don't need to be you have a lovely boyfriend who thinks something of you",I illuminated. "That is true. He actually has simulating conversations with you ",Bai highlighted. "Don't pretend that Ian is some magical being okay",Lu said shoving copious amounts of food into her. "He is because he is dating you",Bai joked. "Honestly , Bai and I get together and question how he can stand you ",I joked. I saw rice being flicked at me. "Love you",I yelled. She gave me the finger and I laughed. And so I spend the day with my friends trying my every hardest not to think about Mathias and not to tell them about him. He was like dirty little secret. Which ate me up inside. I wonder what is worse waiting or not knowing. Maybe both but nevertheless unknowingly waiting must be the worst. An anxious feeling washed over me. I made a strong cup of tea for myself when there was suddenly a knock like thunder coming from my door. I stopped everything. It felt like a heart attack I must tell you because I knew it was him. I hesitated and he knocked again. "Yana!"he yelled my name and I didn't like the way it sounded out of his mouth suddenly. I hesitantly hurried over and opened the door. I licked my lips by his sight ,subtly of course. I wanted to speak but he stopped me with a swift hand movement. He asked me to step out and I did. Mathias intensively look at me,that type of insensitivity that made me question everything. He bit his lip in a way that would make any girl weak by her knees. His eyes grew increasingly wet and his cheekbones showed more then usual. As is he was clenching his jaw harder then ever before. He grabbed my hand and held it in his for a little while as if he just wanted to know what it felt like. Just to try it,say he tried it. I sighed. " I am sorry",he simply said. I blinked hard. "You were right I wasn't fair on either of you. And I want you to believe that this ..I didn't want to do this. But this all of this mess that I almost created,this complicated hurtful hedonistic mess that I almost brought upon us was for me. Because of the way I felt. I didn't consider you or her and I am sorry. I didn't mean to. It will only hurt you more and I don't ever want to do that..",he stopped and look at me again. He brushed my cheek tenderly and smiled. It was almost as if he was trying to hold onto us as long as he could but he couldn't so he turned away from me. And just stood there. I gave him the silence that he wanted,that he needed. I don't know for how long we stood there for . We were inches away,I could have easily wrapped my arms around him but I refrained from it. As much as my fingers itched ,I didn't. I stopped myself and he did the same. After what seemed like forever ,he moved towards his place and didn't even turn around once,as if my sight would waver him. He didn't look my way and as I watched him disappear a single tear escaped my eyes. I didn't cry because it was over no I cried because it happened. The one thing I feared most happened. He left me and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it because I asked for it.

I don't even understand what I did

jackiesmightyheart — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 23:01:10 GMT

I don't even understand what I did by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

So now she is annoyed with me. I cannot deal wit this shit. URGH

I think I will have a heart attack (MM)

jackiesmightyheart — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 13:46:15 GMT

I think I will have a heart attack (MM) by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

"Thursday January 10th: As a mandatory event for all schools, the principals of the boys and girls schools have put together a career fair for all the seniors. Don’t get too bored, you will all have to intern at one of the jobs for two weeks after exams" (basically I have this whole story line planned out for this character and even though the role-play is pretty dead I WILL FINISH IT. Anyways just enjoy have fun ) Veronica was flailing around next to me as she had gotten the internship at this fancy consulting agency. I tried to smile and be happy for her. All this fair stuff was well ahead for me and I didn't really want to intern anywhere because I think I just want to stay in Academia as long as I can. I like learning and stuff everything but Math. It's not like Math is hard for me it's just not interesting,it's to linear,it doesn't have many layers to it. "What are you going to do without me Yana ?You've already gone somewhere else inside of your head",I heard her voice say. I turned to her and smiled brightly. "I will just come visit you all day everyday at Georgetown and it be fine",I joked. "Sometimes Yana,you need to leave your head and see the world. You tend to over think",she told me. I scrunched my face up in confusion. "That's a sudden statement",I replied. "You've been have been avoiding Mathias and the subject of him. I saw you earlier he tried to make eye contact ,he even tried to speak to you but you won't even look his way. That's cold ",she told me. I hate how she sees everything. Similarly to Mat they can just see right through me. I am not very good a hiding things. I think I am to honest for it. I wear my heart on my sleeve. But I can't with him. I felt that aching pang inside me ,that warning voice telling me that all Mathias will disappoint me. That he will chose her and not me. Or that he just wanted to be friends go back to the way things were before but I don't think I can do that go back to how things where before. I don't think I ever felt about him platonic feelings. I am pretty sure since the beginning i loved him. I wanted to throw up by that cheese my mind just spew. I sighed. I was in my head a lot. "Things are complicated. So I said they were complicated and ask him to tell me what he wants. I spoke up,I questioned it like you wanted me to". She sat herself next to me and got something out of her bag. "Banana?",she offered me. I laughed. I was expecting chocolate. "Potassium ? I think I want sugar",I told her. "Darling, when you are tired have a banana. So why not if you are tired from boy trouble have a banana?',she asked me . I took the banana and laughed again. "Perhaps",I replied and she winked at me. "I wanted you guys to talk about it but I though It would more end in the vain that he would kiss you passionately and do you on the kitchen counter",she told me and I nearly choked on the banana. "My poor kitchen counter does not need to be used that way. Also that would be pretty cold",I told her, "Don't be a prude",she said jokingly and pushed me a little to the side. "So what are you going to do ? You want him to think but you are avoiding him ? It makes no sense to me but hey . It is you! ",she asked me. "I want him to have a real think about it. He is always so impulsive and that's what has gotten us into this mess. And Olivia has yet to come back from her trip ,he hasn't spoken to her. I want him to speak to her first",I explained. "Ahh,so considerate of all parties involve",she said. "What if he says he wants her ?',she asked me. "I will do a Taylor Swift and write a song about it ? I don't know get over it ?",I said honestly. Veronica burst out laughing. "Oh god..Yani..hahahhah",she said. "That girl really needs to learn how to get over people. She always plays the victim card. It's annoying and pathetic. All I know is that I aint going to be Taylor fucking Swift",I declared Veronica high fived me. It was a suffocating feeling being so close to him but being yet so very far. I held my breath in hopes that it would stop but it did nothing but increase my heart rate. Damn! He might my eyes burn. Why is that when you fall in love with someone they become this eternal being to you. Suddenly everything has become so much more dramatic important and hurt so much. Was it fear that drove it ? Fear of rejection? I wondered why love was so close tied in with fear. Distinctly different emotions yet felt the same here . I bit my lip as I walked towards my door,I looked over at his place. I felt the blood gushing into my mouth. I bit to hard.

It's sometimes hard to be happy for someone else but you gotta try

jackiesmightyheart — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 16:44:17 GMT

It's sometimes hard to be happy for someone else but you gotta try by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

All along it was like a fever (MM)

jackiesmightyheart — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 22:28:08 GMT

All along it was like a fever (MM) by jackiesmightyheart on Polyvore.com

"Monday January 7th: It’s the first day back of class. Make sure you attend, since the midterms will be in the next two weeks. I groaned for a second time as I sat in English Literature. "I am awfully bored",I whispered to the girl next to me. She smiled."Atleast you don't have to endure double French after this",Ronnie replied. I grinned. "That my dear is just my luck",I whispered. "I wish I grew up in France",she complained. "Yeah I know croissants are yummy",I teased her. She ripped a bit of her paper off and flicked at me. I giggled silly. "Quiet",my teacher yelled causing Ronnie and I to laugh even more. It was very hard to contain ourselves. "What are you going to do in your two hour study hall ?",Ronnie asked me. I rolled my eyes "Ehm study ?",I told her. She laughed "No seriously",she said. I looked at her "No seriously I have to study,I am awful at numbers so gotta pretend I care about my studies this week. Just for the midterm and then I am all about leaving this place and eating sushi and going to Chinatown during Geometry and having fancy coffee's at small cafes in soho",I told her. She grinned brightly. "I like that . Please take me with when you do ,this place is not magical at all",she told me. I laughed quietly. "Education tends to be like that. Not magical at all",I told her which made her giggle a little. We were told again to be silent. So we attempted to do so. We failed miserably. " Yana Joachim Moriss..."someone in front of me said but stopped struggling to say the rest of my name I smiled kindly. " Morisseau..eau like water in french",I told her. "Ehm hey my name is Meredith Merdian, I am freshman and I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about being adopted for an article I am writing",she asked me. I tried to smile. Those questions always were awfully patronising and made me feel somehow as if my life wasn't good enough the way it was. Must I know people that didn't want me ? Why do I care about them if I have parents that love me right now here ? "So tell me a little bit about your origins and where you were adopted from",she asked me. Origins what was I some sort of historical artefact. But I was trying to be helpful and smiled. "My origins (I said with a sarcastic inflection) are not really known,my parents adopted me in Shanghai ,when they got me I spoke both Mandarin and Japanese so we aren't quite sure",I explained to her. She scribbled something down on her notepad. "If I am correct your parents are French right ?",she asked. I nodded. "How does it feel being thrown into a different culture having to learn French and English of course ? Did this prove difficulties for you growing up ?,she wondered. "I was adopted when I was about 2 years old and both of my parents spoke the languages I spoke,it felt only natural to also learn french and english to me and I then later also learned Korean. I quite enjoy learning languages . It was never hard or difficult for me. My parents never made me feel strange or foreign. They made sure I knew I was different but that was that. They let me embrace and even told em to embrace my asian heritage which I did. But I very strongly identify myself as French through and trough. I would call myself a French Asian if I must label myself",I told her. Again she nodded and scribbled ,she looked back at me. "Would you ever want to meet your birth parents?",she asked me . "No. Why would I want to look for people that didn't want or couldn't take care of me when there is nothing wrong with my life right now. They know who I am ,where I am they can find me anytime they want to. I am not part of their lives because they chose to so no. I don't see the need",I told her. She looked almost shocked at my response. "Thank you",she said and got up and walked away. My gaze followed her for awhile but then I went back to my book. They always ask these questions,but they will never understand how it feels so why bother pretending you can create questions that will let you delve in this reality of adoption that you have imagined yourself ? I felt arms around my neck and my head being shoved into someone's chest. I took in the husky scent of that male. "Studying hard I see",he whispered into my ear with his low sensual voice. I felt my hairs go up. "Mat",I said softly. He released from his grip and sat himself next to me smiling like an idiot. Looking really happy to see me. "Madame Bovary?"he asked me. I blinked and then replied "For my essay ",I simply replied. 'Looks fancy",he told me ,looking at me interested. "It is because I am fancy",I joked. He cracked a dazzling smile and all I wanted to know is why oh why this boy wasn't mine. Was he even allowed to look at other girls like this? How can he smile at me like this if we are just friends ? My head hurt a little. I put my head down on the table. Mat's hand found itself on top of my head stroking my hair ever so tenderly. "What up Grumpykittens?",he referred to my nickname. "Stuff",I said cutely. I giggled happily. "Aren't you adorable",he said. I feel slightly blush. "Is there something you would like to do tonight ? Something fun ?",he asked me. I turned to look at him. I am just going to take what I get ,I guess and ride with this. I like this ,us just like this. I am just going to pretend I am not in love and Olivia doesn't exist. But those perky hormones do get in the way. "Aren't you busy with da girlfriend ?",I said silly. I just came out even when I tried not to mention her. The word girlfriend tasted bitter in my mouth. "Naaa,gotta hang out with my favourite gal",he said. I was his favourite. It lingered on my lips ,these words did and I burned them into my skin in hope they would remain there. "Oui papa,non. Je n'sais pas. Demain peut-être ? Je suis occupé,papa. Sorry",I mumbled on the phone. "Your dad ?",Mathias asked me. I nodded. " Just asking my questions about things i am not sure about like have you thought about your high education options",I told him. "Oh college ?",he said. I nodded. "Yeah something you had to deal with I am sure",I said brewing more tea. "Yeah,it's tiresome. Where are you thinking of going ?",he asked me. I turned to face him. "I want to go to a University in Europe,I mean New York is great and wonderful but Europe is my home. Maybe most possibly France or some Uk university,they offer years abroad and I think I might want to do a year abroad in Japan or something",I told him. He faintly smiled. "Why must you go so far away ?",he asked me. I looked at him. "I thought you wanted to settle in and make friends for a change you know get to know people",he questioned my plans. "In some extend yeah but on the other hand I do want to see the world ,live in different places even if it is just for a year. Here it was more like I wasn't in New York longer then like 2 months and then it was back to France which was great fun but then it gets sad because I know no one past "My name is Yana",I explained myself. He sulked. "I guess I just want you to be that far away from me",he said. I blinked fast. "You are leaving anyways this year so we would be apart either way",I told him. "I applied to NYU actually",he told me. "I thought you would have gone to Georgetown or Princeton or something",I said frank. "I wanted to be here in New York...",he stopped and looked at me. "I'll miss you",he said softly quietly ,I could just about hear it. "You confuse me ",I said out loud. "What ?"he asked me. "Nothing.",I said short. "I confuse you ?"he replied. I looked away and took a large sip of tea. "You make no sense",I told him. He got up and walked up to me. "What ? Now I am confused !",he said. He was dangerously closed to my face. My breathing adjusted,my heart started racing ,I felt my skin burn. Why did I feel like this. We have always been close when we chatted and when we sat on the sofa we were close but this was different. I bit my lip. "Forget it",I said and turned away from him. I felt his hands wrap themselves around my waist and pull my tiny body towards him. "Are you mad at me ?",he whispered quietly like a child. "Don't be mad at me !",he said. I took a deep breath in. I was somehow mad at him,in my own little way. It was the hope he gave me and took away so swiftly. "What makes you think I am mad at you ?",I asked him. "What you just said now,you have become aloof and you seem to be avoiding me,and you different. Something has changed",he explained. So he did notice when I was avoiding him. He could feel my feelings change. I bit lip once again. "I am not mad at you",I stated. "Let go",I commanded him,it took me all I had not to just dwell in those arms like that with him but I couldn't because I shouldn't. He slowly but surely let go. "You can't do things like these",I said stern as I turned back to him. He looked genuinely sad,confused and a little afraid. Why did he look so scared ? "What?",he said absent minded. "Hug another girl like that",I almost yelled. I was suddenly so upset. Because it wasn't okay anymore. I wasn't okay anymore. No matter how much I liked him. He wasn't being fair on me or Olivia and there was nothing wrong with that girl. I didn't hate her there was no need to ,she was actually quite nice and friendly and funny so why would I want to do this to her. Mat was in the wrong. He was wrong. I felt mad because I felt like he was tricking me into falling in love with him only to have a constant reminder lingering over me knowing I can't be with him. Have him. It really hurt. "It's not fair on Olivia ! You can't look at me the way you do because it's not fair on her or me",I warned him. He looked at me in that way that made my heart hurt. He licked his lips. "Now you are mad at me!",he stated. "Yeah, I am . Because I try and try to pretend that things are okay and that we are fine when they're not Mathias. They really aren't fine. Because this whatever this is...it's beyond me. It's not healthy. You shouldn't think of me like that and you know it",I told him. He run his fingers through his hair . He started to speak but I cut him. "I think I want you to leave now. Let's finish this conversation another time. I am tired and I think you need to think before you speak of this",I said to him and turned to my bedroom. I heard Mathias mumble something but as I told him he left my apartment with great urgency. I collapsed on my bed ,I felt sudden exhaustion. I didn't want to think no more. But I felt a heavy burden disappear of my shoulders. I had to say it sometime. And there is no such thing as timing.